A Holy Life

You’re too picky. Your standards are too high. No one is perfect, you know. Maybe you’re called to the religious life. Do you regret any of your breakups? Maybe you should just adopt. Maybe you should just go get pregnant. You could freeze your eggs. Are you worried about your fertility? Why are you still single? You seem like a great catch. This is the best you are ever going to look. Maybe we should just get back together…you can’t wait much longer. And the list goes on and on and on…. My name is Betsey, and I, according to many, am in a real dilemma. I, gasp, am selective and discerning when it comes to my life, my (God-willing) future children’s lives and, most importantly, my eternity, my future husband’s eternity, and my (God-willing) future children’s eternity. At the age of 31, I am single; I am unengaged; I am unmarried; and I have zero children. If you’re a single Catholic (Christian) woman, you have seen ALLLLLL the articles and books on this “dreaded” time in life. They focus on how to be single while waiting for Mr. Right (and most of them scream in some way about how this time of “waiting” is just SUCH a cross to bear.). Yes, that’s exactly what we need to keep portraying to the world: our misery as single Christian women. No. We don’t. And here’s why: We need to stop telling our girls that their lives are not complete until a man chooses them. The ultimate Man already chose them. We need to stop forcing our girls to think that until they become a mother, they just aren’t quite “there” or “whole”. True wholeness is found in His Body and Blood everyday on the altar. We need to stop whining about how miserable we are while “carrying our crosses.” (It literally defeats the purpose of carrying the cross if you so choose to view it this way). Jesus didn’t whine on the cross. We need to stop wishing for something else, something more. If you think He wants more from you, ask for it, and wait for Him to provide in His timing. We need to stop telling our boys that their job is to make us happy, to fulfill us. Their job (like ours is for them) is to get us to heaven. Why? Because we aren’t objects, not our boys and not our girls. We are human, made in the image and likeness of God. And marriage is a vocation, not an end game; it isn’t a savior or a lifeboat. I am single because of God’s mercy and grace. That simple. I am single because He knows a whole lot more than I do. Once upon a time, I dreaded singledom. I couldn’t fathom enduring another day as an unmarried woman with no children. And by the grace of God, I got over myself. Why? Because marriage doesn’t mean happiness. Marriage doesn’t mean babies. Marriage doesn’t mean a cure for loneliness. You know what my life is? It’s joy. True and utter joy. And gratitude. Damn, I am grateful. Truth: I don’t sit around and cry about being single. Why? Because I have. For many years. And, in His charity, He gently reminded me that He is my ultimate goal. There are a lot of great men in this world. And there are a lot of fantastic women in this world. But you know what there isn’t a whole lot of? Holy men and holy women. I don’t want a good man; I want a holy man, a holy life. So, forgive me for being so choosy. Forgive me for being joyful while I patiently wait, all the while living happily in my current state of life. My life isn’t a cross. But it does have crosses. For all you single women, chin up! God loves a cheerful giver.